The Insanity Continues

I know I haven't posted in like forever, not counting the Snowflake challenge responses, but I found TikTok (same username, if you're wondering) and have enjoyed being able to just make a quick video whenever I have something I want to talk about.

But recently, something happened that is making me not want to post over there any longer. And since I don't know how it happened, I refuse to allow it to happen again.

My daughter got engaged in October and quickly settled on March 2024 for her wedding date. Her fiance is an HVAC tech, and she's a hairdresser. Her busy time is around the holidays (September to December), and his is summer.

At Christmas, I asked her if she still wanted me to walk her down the aisle (back when she was considering going no contact with her father, she said she wanted me to walk her since I'm the one who actually raised her). She turned to me and said, 'I will not have anyone walk me down the aisle because that is an outdated, misogynistic custom. I am not property to be given away' in a very nasty voice. I feel like if we had been alone or outside, she would have screamed it at me, that's how forcefully she said it.

I backed off and didn't say anything else about it. Later in the day, I saw her talking to my sister-in-law (a woman she has stated to me that she does not like). When they finished talking, my daughter approached my dad, and when I looked back at my SIL, she winked at me.

I later found out that my SIL had talked her into asking my dad to walk her down the aisle.

She did not ask him at Christmas. She asked if she could take him to lunch on New Year's Day. She asked him then.

I made a post on TikTok about how this hurt my feelings because we had previously discussed me doing that and how adamantly she stated that she was not going to have someone walk her down the aisle. I never once said she owed me anything or that she couldn't have my dad walk her down the aisle. I merely stated that I was hurt that she all but shouted me down about this tradition and then went and asked my dad to do it.

People came to my comments and told me I was being selfish. How? All I did was tell a bunch of strangers how it hurt to know my daughter didn't want to have this special moment with me. If, when I asked, she had said, 'I think I want Granddaddy to walk me' I wouldn't have been as hurt. But I went online because I was not going to let her know my feelings had been hurt by this because I didn't think she should know.

Before I go on, I should mention that when we went dress shopping (my mother, his mother, and one of his aunts (I want to say his sister, too, but I can't remember), we went to lunch after. During lunch, the conversation turned to what she was going to do for her something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. I mentioned that I have something for her something blue that I've had since 2007 (we went on a Disney cruise and got a couple of sapphire chips). I planned to have them turned into earrings that I would present to her on her wedding day as she gets dressed. She snapped, 'I'm not removing my earrings' (she wears a pair of sapphire studs that are the first gift he ever gave her, as well as a pair of opal studs he gave her for her last birthday). So, there are now two special moments that she has shut down before they could even take place.

She has stated numerous times that she'll be getting ready at another of his aunt's house because she lives close to the venue. Both she and my mother have said that my mother and I will arrive at the venue fully dressed. She also told me that I have to do my own hair and makeup, not that I expected her hair and makeup person to do me (although I got my hair done at the same time and by the same person who did my SIL and I wasn't in the wedding party).

I made another post saying that I was beginning to feel like she didn't want me to be involved in her wedding. By this time, I had also offered to officiate, but she asked her therapist instead.

There was also a comment I made about the cake tasting. She seems to be under the impression that the pieces provided are going to be just one or two bites each (I think they're usually enough for three or four bites especially if everyone uses a fork and takes just a small amount). I said that if there is a flavor I don't think I'll like, I won't taste it, leaving more for everyone else. She blew up; demanding to know which flavors. Then she hung up on me (but told my mother she thinks I hung up on her (I have moved, and my new place is in a bit of a dead zone (I rarely have more than one bar)) so my mother says the call must have dropped).

Someone (his mother most likely) found my videos and showed them to her so she canceled Mother's Day plans. When I called my mother, she yelled at me for 'airing our dirty laundry on the internet'. I was supposed to go to my grandmother's (she lives much closer than my parents now) to do my laundry a couple of days later but didn't want there to be any tension, so I said I'd find somewhere else to do my laundry and hung up.

My mother sent me several long winded texts, pretending to take some blame but really not because she is emotionally abusive. I didn't reply because I didn't (and still don't) want to argue about this.

I did not text or call my daughter during this time because I was respecting her boundaries.

I have allowed my daughter and her fiance to have my Hulu and Netflix passwords and decided that if my daughter had not texted or called by the end of the month, then I would change the passwords and remove them from my accounts and consider myself uninvited from her wedding.

But she texted me yesterday. So, I called my mother.

She forced me into the argument I had been trying to avoid. I told her that she does not get to tell me how I use my social media accounts. She tried saying that she understands that I use it to vent but said that I shouldn't turn off comments or block people (only people I have blocked are my soon-to-be son-in-law, his mother, and the women I work with (I do not friend coworkers on social media)).

The colors my daughter has settled on are sage green and lavender (she had originally said sapphire blue since sapphire is her birthstone but changed it since it's a spring-ish wedding). I had already made a wishlist of sapphire blue dresses (I'm in the process of losing weight so won't be buying my dress until much closer to the wedding). I now need to find sage green or lavender (she has not said which color she wants me to wear).

Today she texted saying that we need to start looking for me a dress. I told her that since I'm buying my own, it will be one I can wear again and will be bought from a regular store (AKA off the rack). She said she didn't say it had to be tailored, but she wants the dress issue settled by Christmas. I didn't reply, but I will not have my dress by then, and she can just deal with it. Especially, since I don't feel like this is something I have to adhere to since my size will most likely change between Christmas and her wedding. In MARCH!

I went to my mother’s for Thanksgiving Dinner. For the most part it was a very nice day. There were a few moments that made me grind my teeth and want to pull my hair out because it was, well, my mother.

But there was a moment at the end of the day that I’m not entirely sure how to take.

My dad turned on the Cowboys game and my mother insisted we stand for the Anthem (something we’ve never done unless AT the game). I didn’t stand but I did put my phone down and put my hand over my heart.

Once it was over she scolded me for not standing. I told her I put my phone down and put my hand over my heart. Her response was, “You should take advantage of this while you can because one day this right will gone and we’ll have to do it in secret like they did in the concentration camps.”

What left me stunned about her words (other than the fact that she thinks non-Americans were saluting the American flag in the concentration camps) is that the turnip masquerading as a human that she voted for will be the reason behind us losing this right. And she obviously doesn’t see it that way because the tone of voice she used is the same one she would use whenever saying something negative about President Obama. Which tells me she thinks Clinton has something to do with it.

Last week was just a hellish as the one before.

( Under a cut for those who don't care )

This is a bit of an update to my previous post (I wrote that one at my mother's house and lots of things happened after I posted).
( Whoa but it got long )

So, I had quite an adventure today. I got up around 2:30 to use the bathroom and the big toe of my right foot caught on the hem of the left leg of my sleep pants. This is not an unusual occurrence. I can usually stumble my way out of it but with how little room there is between my bed and the dresser I wasn’t able to stop my fall.

My foot twisted and I heard a snap and I was sitting on the floor with the instep of my right foot flush with the floor. I want to say that the outside of my right leg was also flush with the floor but considering the diagnoses it must not have.

So I called my mom, freaking out of course because I was positive I had broken my ankle. She came and took me to the ER, frustrated because my dad just had surgery to rebuild his left foot and my daughter and one of my nieces will be moving into her house soon.

We got to the hospital around 3. They took several x-rays and around 4:45 told me it was just a severe sprain. I’m in an air brace with crutches which being overweight is extremely difficult.

My mom brought me home, parked her car in the fire lane to help me into my apartment and during the not quite ten minutes she was inside helping me, they towed her car. With her purse and everything in it.

Luckily I had the car payment on me and was able to give that to her to use to get her car out.

So right now she’s driving my car to her house so my grandmother (my dad’s mom) can take her to get her car.

She wants me to move in with them for the ten days I have to stay off my foot. But with my daughter and niece moving in I just can’t.

Right now my main worry is getting around at work because the office is very much not handicapped accessible.

I skipped Thanksgiving with the extended family this year for reasons and a text I received from my daughter tells me I made the correct choice.

My family is all from East Texas and of Irish/Scottish descent. I know my parents are die hard Republicans (my mother has said numerous times that Obama is the anti-Christ and that the initial protests in Ferguson are signs of the end times).

According to my daughter my father and another family member (the family is so large that she only knows those that are closely related to us) were talking about the grad jury decision. She said that the man my father was talking to said that Michael Brown deserved what he got.

To restate: this white man from rural Texas said that an unarmed black man who was begging for his life deserved to be shot six times by a white cop.

And this is why I no longer vote for any person who runs on the Republican ticket.

Today we had Christmas with the side of the family I actually like spending time with, even though they're all really religious and died-in-the-wool Republicans and majorly anti-Obama which means I have to watch what I say (my uncle is a minister) and bite my tongue when they make comments against Obama.

We got to Jason's and I found out they don't drink soda. I made the comment that if I had known that I'd've brought my own (we were having taco soup and that's one of the things I prefer to drink soda while eating, don't ask me why, I just do). Comments were made about how I could go to the store up the road and I decided I was good with the soda we'd bought on our way out, even though I was sipping it really slowly by this point and was afraid it wouldn't last until lunch. For the record, this is the only time I mentioned wanting soda to drink.

The rest of the day was so much fun.

Before lunch we played Cranium. After we ate we gave Meme (pronounced Me-Me) her presents, her b-day is tomorrow, then played a game to exchange gifts. After that some of us went to play 42 (dominoes) while others played Apples to Apples. It was so much fun!

As we were leaving I saw a pie in the kitchen that I hadn't noticed earlier when having dessert and took a piece to eat on the way home because someone told me it was apple (one of my favorites). It didn't taste right but I continued to eat it, it didn't taste bad, just wrong. I forked up a bite and realized it was peach and said, "Oh, it's peach, not apple!" Dad said, "And not good peach at that" and I agreed with him. Vic said she'd eat it and I said that it wasn't so bad that I couldn't eat it. And this had Mom pipe up with, "You are such an ungracious guest, Melissa" and I said, "What?" She brought up the one comment I made about Jason not having soda. Never mind that I ate most of my lunch without anything to drink, and without complaint, because I finished my drink about half way through.

Why couldn't she just let it go? Why'd she have to bring it up at the end of a very good day?

On another sort of related note, one of my cousins who I haven't seen in years was there and when he came in he was patting me all over to make sure I was really there, and his hands kept straying way too close to my cleavage (I was sitting on the couch and couldn't get up fast enough to hug his neck so he was actually standing over me doing this).

My parents have finally talked about the decisions I made today. Instead of calling and telling me they're proud I finally acted like an adult they yelled at me for not talking to them first.

I don't get them. In one breath they're telling me I need to do these things on my own but then in the very next breath they're yelling at me for not talking to them first.

I mean, c'mon! Make up your fucking mind about whether or not I'm allowed to be an adult.

I don't get it, I really don't. They say they want me to stop relying on them so much but whenever I do they get upset that I didn't get their opinion. I tried calling them both several times during the day and they either didn't answer their phone or it went straight to voice mail.

I made the decision to have the repair shop go ahead and fix the car, requiring me to pay them $500, and to extend my rental from one week to two, which has me paying another $500 to Avis.

My mother called while Vic and I were out getting dinner and she flipped when I said that I told the repair shop I couldn't pay for two more weeks. She's under the impression that they won't hold my car for two weeks. Well, they will. I know this because I asked, while making the fucking decision on my fucking own!

She also freaked over my having to have the rental for another week. Is she going to change her work schedule so that I don't have to go to work an hour early? No, I don't think so. So since neither she nor my father are willing to sacrifice so that I don't have to sit outside in an area I'm really not comfortable in while it's dark outside, I made the best decision, or so I thought, and extended the rental since I'll need a fucking car.

If they had only answered their phones or if she had fucking called me back on her lunch (when I called earlier this morning I left a message, her phone rang and then voice mail picked up so she would have seen she had not only a missed call but a message) then we could have avoided all this because she would have offered to buy me a car and I wouldn't be in this fucking mess.