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Dec. 21st, 2015 05:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logans_girl2001This is a bit of an update to my previous post (I wrote that one at my mother's house and lots of things happened after I posted).
My mother and I were trying to figure out just how many Christmases we've spent with my niece, Amber (opened gifts and had Christmas dinner). The answer is four.
The first one was in 1993 when my mother's father passed away. The second one was on 2006 and I'll talk about it later because it's very involved. The third one was in 2008 when she brought her daughter Laci to meet us. And then this year, although she was here last year she didn't open gifts at my mother's house.
So in 2006 I had to call the cops on my parents.
If you don't want to read the posts, the gist is:
I wasn't making very much money and had to fix my brakes twice in a short span of time. This left me scrambling to get my daughter Christmas presents and pay my bills.
My mother originally offered to pay my bills but then started bitching at me about my finances so I told her to not bother, that I'd figure something else out. Not mentioned in those posts (not sure why) is that she offered to give me my Christmas present early ($100) but when I said that that would be great because I could then pay my bill in full, she took it back.
I had totally forgotten (I was reading the posts again while looking for them) that my ex-husband's current wife had called to ask me where I wanted her to drop Victoria off at while they were on their way. This means that I'm totally right that my mother called them and told them to drop Victoria off at her house.
Anyway, I went to get my daughter because there was a certain outfit I wanted her to wear but due to my mother's attitude on the phone when she called to gloat that Victoria was there, I decided we weren't going to their house.
When I arrived I called to ask them to send Victoria out (our routine was that I'd either open the garage door and she'd come out or I'd call and she'd come out). My father said she wasn't leaving and if I didn't like it I could call the cops. So I did.
My parents told the cops that I was angry because they wouldn't give me any money. But after reading these posts I see that I wasn't expecting any money from them by this point. Because of my parents spinning this in their favor, I got called a brat by the cop.
My mother mentioned this on Saturday and mentioned that it was all because she wouldn't give me money and I just had to set her straight. Only she tried to shut me down and we got into a screaming match about it.
She called me a negative person and said (again) that I'm depressed. I am not depressed. Sure I get depressed sometimes. I mean, who doesn't? But I am not suffering from depression.
I said that I've been trying to be more positive but it's not my fault that a lot of my memories are tainted by something negative that happened at the same time. She asked for an example and I used the birth of my daughter. It was a negative experience for several reasons:
1) My mother totally took over and made my labor all about her
2) My ex slept through most of it (He had just fallen asleep when my water broke) and was totally useless when he wasn't asleep (he tells everyone that I slept through my entire labor so it couldn't have been as bad as I say)
3) I had to have an emergency C-section due to the doctor giving me an epidural too early.
4) My ex MIL refusing to come to the hospital while I was in labor and then showing up later that day even though she was told to wait until the next day.
I mentioned the issue with my ex MIL and my mother said that is not what happened. So I guess I don't know what actually happened in my own life.
According to my mother I told my ex MIL to not come to the hospital AT. ALL. What actually happened is that she asked to be in the room during the delivery. I told her that only two people are allowed so that would be my ex and my mother. I want to say she said she understood but I really can't remember what her response was.
My mother also says that I hate my ex MIL when I don't. I don't even really have any feelings for her despite the fact that she called me a slut within five minutes of meeting me.
Explanation: I met my ex through a guy I was dating whom I had met at the bowling alley (it was the early 90s so you either hung out at the skating rink or the bowling alley and you couldn't smoke at the skating rink). After a few months of dating, Jeff and I broke up. A few weeks later my ex contacted me and asked me out.
We'd known each other a few months and had been dating just a couple of weeks when he took me to meet his parents. When he introduced me he told his mother that I was going to move in with him. This was the first I'd ever heard of it because just a few days prior he had told me he was moving in with Jeff.
His mother's exact words to me were 'if you're so hot to live with him...' and I tried to disabuse her of the notion that we were moving in together by explaining that this was the first I'd heard of it. She didn't believe me.
According to my mother I marched into Judy's house and announced that I was moving in with Rob whether or not they liked it.
Things calmed down after that and Amber and I went shopping with Laci in tow (Amber hardly ever leaves her with my parents (they live with them)) because Amber was taking her to visit Santa.
One of the places we needed to go to was a Christian store called Mardel's for our grandmother's Christmas present.
Laci has issues and sometimes Amber will let her play on her phone to keep her occupied.
While at the Dollar Store Laci was asking Google for pictures and videos of puppies and kittens. On the way to Mardel's I commented on how quiet she was.
At Mardel's Amber stopped outside for a cigarette (she doesn't smoke in her car) and I took Laci inside with me. Amber joined us and Laci accidentally dropped the phone. They both dived for it with Laci getting it first since she's closer to the ground.
They fought over the phone, with Amber being the winner of course. I was checking out so I'm not sure if Amber looked at the screen at this point or not but she took Laci to the car.
When I got there they were just sitting in the car and Amber had this defeated air about her.
She handed me her phone and the YouTube search phrase was 'videos of people having sex'. Please to be keeping in mind that Laci is seven.
So now we have that to deal with.
Then Sunday was the Christmas get together with my father's side of the family (his mother is the only one of my grandparents still alive).
Ever since 2008 I tend to have digestive issues right around my period and I'm due to start in a couple of weeks.
After we ate and played some games, people started leaving. First was my cousin Danny (his wife didn't even want to come). Then was my brother (his wife claimed to be sick but she just looked pissed) and then Amber and Laci because they had another party to go to.
Just as I was about to tell Victoria that I needed to go home, my mother announced that it was time for me to help her clean up. I know I pissed her off but I couldn't help it.
Then later that night she sent a mass text to my brother, my SIL, my daughter, my niece Marissa (who didn't attend the 'party' because she was at a 'party' for someone else) and myself (I've kept all the misspellings and punctuation mistakes).
my mother:
I am very sad but I am canceling Christmad Eve. I pray our family learns to love, respect, help, and be givers by next year. I am of course the only one who needs help. So when I get that help and can learn to deal with my disfunctional I will not expect to hear from you. I do care for you all deeply so if you have any physical emergency that I need to know about. I hope you would let me know, ypur choice. I will contact you when I am better to not cause you any pain
my brother:
You are not the only one who needs help mom and karen is getting the help she needs. It's just you are making sound like you go out of your way for karen and I when that is not the case because we only ask for help when we are in such dire straits that we are going to go hungry or get evicted from our home but you have practically lived Melissa and Victorias life for them and even when they moved out of your home you have supported them financially to the point you always say you are broke and have no money.
me:
And I'm paying them the money I owe them.
my mother:
Marissa I am sorry not to have Christmas with your family and all my other grandchildren this year but it is best. Love GrandMa Satan is surely roaming the esrth seeking whom he can devour. My prayer us that Jesus will become real to each and everyone of you as at the end of this another journey for ME
my bother:
Really all of it from ever since you and Victoria moved in with them when rob left you? Because I don't think you will ever earn that much in your entire life.
my daughter:
Can you stop saying that stop about my mother? That's not fair and frankly, that's a low blow.
my mother:
Thanks Melissa, and this why I am getting help. Please do not text me back on this subject. We can call a truce and get by seeing each other only if we do not have drama discussion. I need help knowing what to say and do. In fact this all was probably the wrong way Love, later, and goodbye
me:
They didn't give me money when we lived with them. And I left Rob.
my daughter:
You have no right to talk about my mother and I like that. You know very little of what's going on or what happens with my father. So stay out of it.
my mother:
Please stop bashing each other. We all need healing I am deleting all my text messages STOP PLEASE
my brother:
You know I have been dealt this way my whole life. Melissa can do no wrong and get whatever she wants without working for it but I have to break my back to earn everything I have and don't even get a I'm proud of you and your hard work son because everyone is always worried about Melissa and her fillings not being hurt.
me:
So not true. I pay for my own car, I saved to buy my iPhone, and my flat screen tv. Mom and Dad did not pay for any of that. And you've never even tried to avoid hurting my feelings. I remember lots of times asking you to stop teasing me but you wouldn't until I cried.
my brother:
This conversation is over because y'all have chosen one too many times who is more important and once again it is not me GOODBYE
my mother:
Thanks Chuck for ending this
Marissa:
Oh my lord have mercy. There are lots of issues I don't know about so I'll step out of this one. I'm at six flags having fun. Drink a beer, or a bottle of wine.
my mother:
You got it Marissa, have fun
During all this my mother private texted me:
Melissa be the bigger person and stop responding. You and Victoria are welcomed Christmas eve. Just let me know
me:
Victoria and I would love to come Thursday. Since we're not getting together with them someone needs to buy Victoria a gift. And maybe me. I can't remember who had us.
my mother:
We just want exchange presents ok Oh wait, we have the left over door prizes we can open
I was going to do my laundry Friday after my daughter and I went to the movies but decided since it would just be my parents, Amber, Laci, Victoria, and I on Thursday that I would see if I could do my laundry then.
me:
Would it be okay if I do my laundry Thursday?
my mother:
(1/2) I guess. Marissa is coming so it needs to be very early. Wait if you work I wish you would wait. Victoria could come over Friday and do it. I'll be gl (2/2) ad to pick her up. Lets do that ok. Oh yea you are off yall can do it Friday or Saturday
me:
I was trying to not do it on my days off this week so I can clean my house.
my mother:
Well I u derstand but I need Thursday to be all about celebration.
me:
So you won't consider getting Victoria and having her do it while I'm at work Thursday?
my mother:
I guess I could get her Wednesday Hey she can do it Thursday. I would love to have her here. She and Laci and I can start the celebration early (1/3) Melissa, I just can't deal with the laundry issue. You may come Friday or Saturday to do the laundry. In fact it is getting to where I need you t (2/3) o use my machines on days when we are not here. Not to be mean just don't want a repeat of the other day. I want to visit with you when you are her (3/3) e not on days where either of us are working
So now my mother is refusing to take responsibility for her part in the fight on Saturday and because of that I have to be penalized and hope that there is at least one weekend day when she's not at home for me to do my laundry.
So, yeah. That's my family. Sometimes it feels like an episode of Jerry Springer.
My mother and I were trying to figure out just how many Christmases we've spent with my niece, Amber (opened gifts and had Christmas dinner). The answer is four.
The first one was in 1993 when my mother's father passed away. The second one was on 2006 and I'll talk about it later because it's very involved. The third one was in 2008 when she brought her daughter Laci to meet us. And then this year, although she was here last year she didn't open gifts at my mother's house.
So in 2006 I had to call the cops on my parents.
If you don't want to read the posts, the gist is:
I wasn't making very much money and had to fix my brakes twice in a short span of time. This left me scrambling to get my daughter Christmas presents and pay my bills.
My mother originally offered to pay my bills but then started bitching at me about my finances so I told her to not bother, that I'd figure something else out. Not mentioned in those posts (not sure why) is that she offered to give me my Christmas present early ($100) but when I said that that would be great because I could then pay my bill in full, she took it back.
I had totally forgotten (I was reading the posts again while looking for them) that my ex-husband's current wife had called to ask me where I wanted her to drop Victoria off at while they were on their way. This means that I'm totally right that my mother called them and told them to drop Victoria off at her house.
Anyway, I went to get my daughter because there was a certain outfit I wanted her to wear but due to my mother's attitude on the phone when she called to gloat that Victoria was there, I decided we weren't going to their house.
When I arrived I called to ask them to send Victoria out (our routine was that I'd either open the garage door and she'd come out or I'd call and she'd come out). My father said she wasn't leaving and if I didn't like it I could call the cops. So I did.
My parents told the cops that I was angry because they wouldn't give me any money. But after reading these posts I see that I wasn't expecting any money from them by this point. Because of my parents spinning this in their favor, I got called a brat by the cop.
My mother mentioned this on Saturday and mentioned that it was all because she wouldn't give me money and I just had to set her straight. Only she tried to shut me down and we got into a screaming match about it.
She called me a negative person and said (again) that I'm depressed. I am not depressed. Sure I get depressed sometimes. I mean, who doesn't? But I am not suffering from depression.
I said that I've been trying to be more positive but it's not my fault that a lot of my memories are tainted by something negative that happened at the same time. She asked for an example and I used the birth of my daughter. It was a negative experience for several reasons:
1) My mother totally took over and made my labor all about her
2) My ex slept through most of it (He had just fallen asleep when my water broke) and was totally useless when he wasn't asleep (he tells everyone that I slept through my entire labor so it couldn't have been as bad as I say)
3) I had to have an emergency C-section due to the doctor giving me an epidural too early.
4) My ex MIL refusing to come to the hospital while I was in labor and then showing up later that day even though she was told to wait until the next day.
I mentioned the issue with my ex MIL and my mother said that is not what happened. So I guess I don't know what actually happened in my own life.
According to my mother I told my ex MIL to not come to the hospital AT. ALL. What actually happened is that she asked to be in the room during the delivery. I told her that only two people are allowed so that would be my ex and my mother. I want to say she said she understood but I really can't remember what her response was.
My mother also says that I hate my ex MIL when I don't. I don't even really have any feelings for her despite the fact that she called me a slut within five minutes of meeting me.
Explanation: I met my ex through a guy I was dating whom I had met at the bowling alley (it was the early 90s so you either hung out at the skating rink or the bowling alley and you couldn't smoke at the skating rink). After a few months of dating, Jeff and I broke up. A few weeks later my ex contacted me and asked me out.
We'd known each other a few months and had been dating just a couple of weeks when he took me to meet his parents. When he introduced me he told his mother that I was going to move in with him. This was the first I'd ever heard of it because just a few days prior he had told me he was moving in with Jeff.
His mother's exact words to me were 'if you're so hot to live with him...' and I tried to disabuse her of the notion that we were moving in together by explaining that this was the first I'd heard of it. She didn't believe me.
According to my mother I marched into Judy's house and announced that I was moving in with Rob whether or not they liked it.
Things calmed down after that and Amber and I went shopping with Laci in tow (Amber hardly ever leaves her with my parents (they live with them)) because Amber was taking her to visit Santa.
One of the places we needed to go to was a Christian store called Mardel's for our grandmother's Christmas present.
Laci has issues and sometimes Amber will let her play on her phone to keep her occupied.
While at the Dollar Store Laci was asking Google for pictures and videos of puppies and kittens. On the way to Mardel's I commented on how quiet she was.
At Mardel's Amber stopped outside for a cigarette (she doesn't smoke in her car) and I took Laci inside with me. Amber joined us and Laci accidentally dropped the phone. They both dived for it with Laci getting it first since she's closer to the ground.
They fought over the phone, with Amber being the winner of course. I was checking out so I'm not sure if Amber looked at the screen at this point or not but she took Laci to the car.
When I got there they were just sitting in the car and Amber had this defeated air about her.
She handed me her phone and the YouTube search phrase was 'videos of people having sex'. Please to be keeping in mind that Laci is seven.
So now we have that to deal with.
Then Sunday was the Christmas get together with my father's side of the family (his mother is the only one of my grandparents still alive).
Ever since 2008 I tend to have digestive issues right around my period and I'm due to start in a couple of weeks.
After we ate and played some games, people started leaving. First was my cousin Danny (his wife didn't even want to come). Then was my brother (his wife claimed to be sick but she just looked pissed) and then Amber and Laci because they had another party to go to.
Just as I was about to tell Victoria that I needed to go home, my mother announced that it was time for me to help her clean up. I know I pissed her off but I couldn't help it.
Then later that night she sent a mass text to my brother, my SIL, my daughter, my niece Marissa (who didn't attend the 'party' because she was at a 'party' for someone else) and myself (I've kept all the misspellings and punctuation mistakes).
my mother:
I am very sad but I am canceling Christmad Eve. I pray our family learns to love, respect, help, and be givers by next year. I am of course the only one who needs help. So when I get that help and can learn to deal with my disfunctional I will not expect to hear from you. I do care for you all deeply so if you have any physical emergency that I need to know about. I hope you would let me know, ypur choice. I will contact you when I am better to not cause you any pain
my brother:
You are not the only one who needs help mom and karen is getting the help she needs. It's just you are making sound like you go out of your way for karen and I when that is not the case because we only ask for help when we are in such dire straits that we are going to go hungry or get evicted from our home but you have practically lived Melissa and Victorias life for them and even when they moved out of your home you have supported them financially to the point you always say you are broke and have no money.
me:
And I'm paying them the money I owe them.
my mother:
Marissa I am sorry not to have Christmas with your family and all my other grandchildren this year but it is best. Love GrandMa Satan is surely roaming the esrth seeking whom he can devour. My prayer us that Jesus will become real to each and everyone of you as at the end of this another journey for ME
my bother:
Really all of it from ever since you and Victoria moved in with them when rob left you? Because I don't think you will ever earn that much in your entire life.
my daughter:
Can you stop saying that stop about my mother? That's not fair and frankly, that's a low blow.
my mother:
Thanks Melissa, and this why I am getting help. Please do not text me back on this subject. We can call a truce and get by seeing each other only if we do not have drama discussion. I need help knowing what to say and do. In fact this all was probably the wrong way Love, later, and goodbye
me:
They didn't give me money when we lived with them. And I left Rob.
my daughter:
You have no right to talk about my mother and I like that. You know very little of what's going on or what happens with my father. So stay out of it.
my mother:
Please stop bashing each other. We all need healing I am deleting all my text messages STOP PLEASE
my brother:
You know I have been dealt this way my whole life. Melissa can do no wrong and get whatever she wants without working for it but I have to break my back to earn everything I have and don't even get a I'm proud of you and your hard work son because everyone is always worried about Melissa and her fillings not being hurt.
me:
So not true. I pay for my own car, I saved to buy my iPhone, and my flat screen tv. Mom and Dad did not pay for any of that. And you've never even tried to avoid hurting my feelings. I remember lots of times asking you to stop teasing me but you wouldn't until I cried.
my brother:
This conversation is over because y'all have chosen one too many times who is more important and once again it is not me GOODBYE
my mother:
Thanks Chuck for ending this
Marissa:
Oh my lord have mercy. There are lots of issues I don't know about so I'll step out of this one. I'm at six flags having fun. Drink a beer, or a bottle of wine.
my mother:
You got it Marissa, have fun
During all this my mother private texted me:
Melissa be the bigger person and stop responding. You and Victoria are welcomed Christmas eve. Just let me know
me:
Victoria and I would love to come Thursday. Since we're not getting together with them someone needs to buy Victoria a gift. And maybe me. I can't remember who had us.
my mother:
We just want exchange presents ok Oh wait, we have the left over door prizes we can open
I was going to do my laundry Friday after my daughter and I went to the movies but decided since it would just be my parents, Amber, Laci, Victoria, and I on Thursday that I would see if I could do my laundry then.
me:
Would it be okay if I do my laundry Thursday?
my mother:
(1/2) I guess. Marissa is coming so it needs to be very early. Wait if you work I wish you would wait. Victoria could come over Friday and do it. I'll be gl (2/2) ad to pick her up. Lets do that ok. Oh yea you are off yall can do it Friday or Saturday
me:
I was trying to not do it on my days off this week so I can clean my house.
my mother:
Well I u derstand but I need Thursday to be all about celebration.
me:
So you won't consider getting Victoria and having her do it while I'm at work Thursday?
my mother:
I guess I could get her Wednesday Hey she can do it Thursday. I would love to have her here. She and Laci and I can start the celebration early (1/3) Melissa, I just can't deal with the laundry issue. You may come Friday or Saturday to do the laundry. In fact it is getting to where I need you t (2/3) o use my machines on days when we are not here. Not to be mean just don't want a repeat of the other day. I want to visit with you when you are her (3/3) e not on days where either of us are working
So now my mother is refusing to take responsibility for her part in the fight on Saturday and because of that I have to be penalized and hope that there is at least one weekend day when she's not at home for me to do my laundry.
So, yeah. That's my family. Sometimes it feels like an episode of Jerry Springer.
